This week's story comes from my friend Ashley, who lost her little boy to SIDS less than a year ago. I saw this post on her blog, and asked if we could post it here.
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We have been getting random things left at our door since Beckett died. We have had many, many amazing things done and/or left for us the first couple of months after Beck died but to our surprise when it continued month after month. My kid's get so excited every time we find something outside our door. There is always a kind note that makes me realize that others still care about what our family is/has gone through.
This month was no exception...on the 9th I was having an awful day, he died on the 9th and it is usually never a good day. I think a lot about what has happened…how my family is still being affected and overall it is just a miserable day. My husband was the first to find our "treat" on the doorstep, with a note...and it totally made my whole day much better. Just the thought that someone was thinking of us, on that day, means the world to me. I don't think most people realize how long this ache hurts...I have people tell me that I should be "moving on" by now...my mom was surprised when I mentioned that I still struggle on the 7th (he was born on the 7th) and the 9th...some think that if they don't mention him, it's better for me that way...Honestly, I think I am going to struggle my whole life, there will ALWAYS be a emptiness that ONLY Beckett could ever fill. There will always be the same questions of why him, why me. There will always be the awkward silences every time someone asks “how many children do you have?”
At the bank the other day, the banker made a comment about my locket (a picture of Beckett) and asked if it was my youngest child. Confused on how to answer because Adleigh and Braia were running around...obviously Addie looked the youngest...I answered, "Yes, but it's my son." So she wouldn't assume that it was a picture of Adleigh. Of course that made her ask more questions...I was in about a week earlier with all 4 kids and she remembered (probably because we enter EVERY building like a tornado) so she asked if he was with me when I came in the other day...so I simply said, No, he passed away last summer. She apologized and quickly changed the subject. To her, it probably looked like she upset me (because I did get a little teary eyed) but to me, just the simple fact that she had asked about who he was (a reason why I wear the necklace with his picture the most) meant a TON. I can't stress it enough on how MUCH I LOVE talking about him, whether it's his stories or just who he was. Of course bringing him up may get me a bit emotional BUT it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to talk about it. I am sure 50 years from now I will STILL tear up talking about the son I never got to raise.
The kindness of a strange...a sincere question, deed, note, etc. Can really make an individual's day, especially when they may already be having a hard day.
So...to whomever you are...THANK YOU!
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http://bensbells.org
http://bekindcolorado.blogspot.com
Have something you want to share about an act of kindness? We'd love to post it! Contact me at colofisch@yahoo.com
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