Kindness Counts: K like in Kindness, K like in Karen

This week's story comes from Maria, Jacob's mom
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This week I am a guest blogger for my dear friend Jenny.
She is starting Ben’s Bells in Colorado. It is a really neat organization with a big cause and lots of kindness. Check them out!

Being kind is something truly simple, it doesn’t cost money, and it doesn’t take time. When I think about the word kind, it is often the small gestures happening in my day-to-day life. Our family friend standing outside my door with tonight’s dinner, our nurse fitting in a bath for Jacob so we have more family time at night, my husband taking an extra night shift in Jacob’s room so I can catch up on sleep, my daughter taking her friend’s hand to run to the playground, a message from a dear friend far away reminding me that she is still thinking of us every day as Jacob is battling yet another virus. They are all acts of kindness, those little things that makes a difference in all of our lives.

When I think about kindness, my friend Karen comes to mind.

Two years ago, Karen offered to have Sarah over for a play date. I didn’t really know her that well, but our kids got along really well. It was time to pick up Sarah from her play date. The second I put Jacob in the car, he had an oculogyrical crisis. It looks exactly like a seizure, but it is not. It does mean that Jacob needs medical care, and a stay at the intensive care unit in order to stop them. They build over time, so I made the decision to still pick up Sarah and then drive down to The Children’s Hospital.

Jacob had a few more crises on the way over to Karen. I took Jacob out of the car, and wondered how I could quickly get Sarah in the car without being rude to our new friends. I had a medical emergency on my hand, but also a pickup to do! Two worlds clash. I didn’t have to say much before Karen got it. She took charge immediately, and pushed me back to the car, and said she would keep Sarah for as long as we needed. If necessary, she would simply bring Sarah to school the next day. Sarah’s face was beaming. She was happy for an extending play date!

I quickly got back in the car with Jacob, wondering what Karen truly thought about me and my little boy. I never made it down to The Children’s Hospital that night. The oculogyrical crises worsen quickly, so I had to call 911 from my car, and have them meet us at the house.

Joakim called me that evening as he had picked up Sarah from Karen’s house. We had all their phone numbers, and were told to call them any time we needed them. Sarah would spend afternoons at their house until Jacob was home again. It might not sound like a lot, but to manage Sarah’s school schedule with Jacob being in the PICU is not easy. I knew that Sarah was going to be picked up from school each day, and be with a friend each afternoon. I knew she was happy in the middle of a medical emergency. I knew that not only Sarah had found a friend, I had found one too.

Karen probably still doesn’t know exactly what an oculogyrical crisis it, but it doesn’t matter. Her heart is full of kindness, and she will do anything for our family. It doesn’t matter what plans or obstacles they have, there is always a spot for us.

Karen has a big heart. Karen is fair. Karen has turned her own hardships into compassion for others. Karen has empathy. She will stand up for her friends. No bull shit. No hidden agendas. Karen is fun. Karen is outspoken. Karen is straight-forward. Karen enjoys life. Karen is kind.

To my dear kind friend Karen.

Maria Hopfgarten
Mom of Jacob Hallberg with Mitochondrial Disease
www.caringbridge.org/visit/jacobhallberg


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http://bensbells.org
http://bekindcolorado.blogspot.com

Kindness Counts: Speaking from the heart

This week's story comes from Deana at Monster Max.

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My friend Jenny has asked me to guest blog about a time that someone's kindness has affected me. You can go over and read the other entries on the Be Kind Colorado page.

Through the years, so many moments stick out. People have helped in so many ways, but one story popped in my head right away when I was asked. I think because it was such a simple act of kindness, and it took me so by surprise it has stuck with me.

This story happened five years ago, at my sister's graduation at the University of Denver. We were running late, and had a difficult time finding handicap parking and seating. We ended up in the balcony's lobby watching the graduation from afar. It really worked out just fine because we had the place to ourselves to feed Max. In fact, the only other person up there was a guy who was sitting over in the corner.

He was wearing shorts and a slouchy Hawaiian shirt. Not exactly fancy dress for a graduation. But, living in Colorado, I've learned to not judge a person's standing in society by their attire. This guy definitely looked like he was less than thrilled to be at a graduate school graduation, but there he sat with the rest of us listening to the pomp and circumstance.

As I sat feeding my huge toddler a bottle, I caught the man watching me several times. As it was quite a sight watching me feed Max, I didn't think too much of it. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw the man start walking our way.

He leaned over one of the chairs and said,

"My pity of you has turned into admiration of you in a matter of minutes. The love you show to your son is admirable. I have three sons, and have wondered over the years what it would be like if one of them had turned out.......not normal. I see you would just love them anyway. It was an honorable choice you made...but what other choice did you have really? It is so appropriate in this academic setting...you've taught me the true love for a child."

I sat dumbstruck, willing a smile on my face, while tears ran down my cheeks. I choked out a "thank you", before he walked off.

In the years since, I've thought of this man, and his simple act of kindness. He listened to the thoughts in his head, and took a moment to speak them out loud. And sometimes, that's all it takes to change a person's life.

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http://bensbells.org
http://bekindcolorado.blogspot.com

Kindness Counts: When no one is watching

This week's story comes from Heather at Samantha's Mom.

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We have been the recipients of many, many acts of kindness. As soon as we became a family with a medically fragile child, the kindness came pouring in....meals, notes, prayers, thoughts, the world was with us.

And when we lost Samantha, the world mourned with us.

Today, many continue to help us and we are still overwhelmed by the kindness and generosity of humankind.

But sometimes the little things make an impact.

I have immersed myself back into the corporate world. Not knowing quite what do to with myself and not wanting to be at home, I am back into a high-pressure, travel filled job. It is quite a change.

And I search for specks of kindness in the world of business travelers.

A couple weeks a ago, I was scheduled to fly to Albany via Chicago and I was late.

I was late to leave the office, the highway was peppered with speed traps and the only place to park was 3 bizillion miles away from the airport and I was wearing 4-inch heels.

I cursed my luck and ran (as best I could) to the airport.

I got stuck in security behind a group of 50 students on a Spring Break trip.

I pleaded my case to an unhelpful TSA agent.

I cursed the clock.

Was it arms and legs? No.

Was it life and death? No. But it was still stressful.

I had 30 minutes to make my flight.

I was taken aside for random screening.

I bit my lip.

When I ran down to catch my train, the doors closed before I could get on.

I cursed my luck.

But then the doors opened and I got on the train. And the doors closed.....

And they opened again.... And closed again....

The train was stuck. I would miss my plane.

And I hummed my mantra "It is not life and death...it is only a plane. It is only a plane."

The man standing next to me said, "the airport is in slow motion today isn't it?"

"Oh my goodness!!!" I said and unloaded my story. "I am so afraid I will miss my flight to Chicago."

"Ah, Chicago. That's where I'm going. We'll miss it together."

As the train moved forward, my luck started to change, I might just make this flight. Me and my new friend ran for the plane where we were the last two to board.

He went onto first class and I went onto battle the gate agents as to why I shouldn't have to check my small, quite compact bag to Albany.

As my new friend left to first class, I said sarcastically, "think of us poor schmucks in 28C."

I took my 'check baggage' tag and headed down towards the airplane. I had made it. But my hair was plastered to my head in sweat, my feet hurt and I questioned the ability to do the smallest of tasks....like catch a plane.

As I went to hand my bag to the gate agent, the flight attendant poked her head out of the plane, "Ma'am? I think we can fit that in first class."

Oh thank goodness. I stowed my bag and passed my manager...who was also in first class....humph.

"I barely made this flight." I said, pushed my sweat-coated bangs out of my eyes and made it back to 28C....right next to the lavatory.

Lovely.

But I had made it.

30 minutes into the flight my manager came back to the hovel of 28C. "You haven't eaten have you?"

Food? Oh yeah. It was 2:00 and I hadn't eaten all day. "I think I forgot." I said.

"I'm not going to eat my lunch, would you like it?"

I nodded and my stomach grumbled.

So five minutes later, a disgruntled flight attendant came back to 28C with a full first-class chicken salad, complete with a cloth napkin and real silver ware. I munched on Italian bread sticks with vigor.

A couple minutes later, an even more disgruntled flight attendant came back with a glass of Chardonnay. Apparently, the new friend who I met on the train felt sorry for me and asked to have a glass of wine be brought back to 28C.

Contentment was a meal next to the lavatory.

And that's kindness is isn't it?

It's easy to be kind when we know our neighbor is in crisis. But what about when we don't know? Who is our neighbor on the flight to Chicago? Are they going to a funeral? To visit a sick friend? Are they a business person trying to put her life together after the death of her child? Or are they just trying to get to Chicago?

Doesn't matter.... Kindness counts.

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http://bensbells.org
http://bekindcolorado.blogspot.com

Kindness Counts: Giraffe

This week's story comes from Shauna at Christian's Journey.

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Today is the second in our Kindness Counts series and guess who's turn it is...

It's my turn!

And our goal in this series is to spread how acts of kindness can effect you,
your neighbor, or even a stranger. Kindness is contagious and we were so
inspired byBen's Bells and their message, we wanted to pass it along!

And it started with a giraffe...

The morning after Christian's accident I remember standing in the lobby of the
hospital in the elevator bay. I don't know how I got there, but I think we were
headed toward the cafeteria, and I'm even sure about that.


I remember seeing a delivery guy in that elevator bay. I don't remember his
face, but I remember him being the only person in this busy area holding a
stuffed giraffe and bouquet of floating Mylar balloons. And I remember thinking
- Awww, how sweet it is to send that to somebody. Whoever that's going to is a
lucky kid.

The next memory I have is walking into Christian's PICU room not fifteen minutes
later. He was in bad shape, but he made it through the night, my little soldier.
On his bed sat a stuffed giraffe with a bouquet of balloons. And I thought -
He ISthe luckiest little boy...

I didn't realize there were people in this world that acted on kindness and
empathy alone. I mean I had heard of it, but never really experienced the
magnitude of it until we faced life and death. I'm not going to begin to pick
apart the meaning of kindness and what it can do because I simply don't have
words that are powerful enough to explain the phenomenon of kindness.


But, that's the thing about kindness...it's about actions, not words.

I've mentioned the first trip to my beloved Target after the accident and while
Christian was in the PICU a time or two. This was the Target I would usually
take my bouncing boy to browse the Dollar Spot on a lazy weekday. But I was
walking through those doors without him to buy socks to ward off the freezing
cold nighttime chill of the hospital. I wondered if people could see the pain on
my face. I wondered if people could understand how much pain I was in because it
felt that bad. So bad it seeped out of the pours of my skin and the dark circles
under my eyes.


I don't think they saw it. And that's the point, nobody knows how much pain the
next person is in. We go on about our day, unaware, that the person taking a
little extra time at the cash register might have a personal battle they're
attending to. That lady who didn't make her left turn quickly enough might have
a child in the PICU.


Be aware. Be nice. Smile. It meant the world to me then. And I know it will mean
the world to someone if you pass it along.

That stuffed giraffe and bouquet of Mylar balloons were from my August Moms.
Through these moms and their power of kindness, others were moved to act and the
entire experience has proved to me that a bunch of moms can truly move
mountains. Those August Moms are the epitome of what I'm referring to in trying
to explain the phenomenon of kindness. There were countless ways in which they
showed their love and care for us, even with simple emails and cards, that will
remain with me as inspiration to be a better person to this day. And it all
started with a giraffe.


Which, of course, is way more than a giraffe.


The infamous giraffe still sits and watches over my little boy. And my little
boy is still lucky. Giraffe still has the small card addressed to Christian
Quintero, UMC ICU around his neck. I won't remove the card, not yet. It's a
reminder of what kindness and selflessness really mean. It's about the actions
behind the words printed on the envelope.


Kindness.

Spread it.

http://bensbells.org
http://bekindcolorado.blogspot.com

Kindness Counts!

Today begins a new series, called "Kindness Counts" - a weekly feature by me or a guest poster (hopefully mostly guest posters) about acts of kindness and their impact.

The goal? To spread the message of kindness. To help people realize that acts of kindness, no matter how small, can make an impact and change our world and our outlook.

This post from Jenny at The Fisch Tank
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How to choose an act of kindness that made an impact on us? So many choices.

We were in the PICU, sitting with our 11 month old baby, who had recently gotten her MRI - still in a coma on a ventilator, and we found out about the global injury to her brain. The time she went without oxygen after choking on her dinner was long enough for severe damage. Despite being surrounded by amazing family, friends, and probably thousands of people sending healing thoughts to our girl, we felt utterly ALONE. This situation, this life, this child. No one knew what to do. No one knew what to tell us. They were coming along on our journey, and we were leading, with no clue whatsoever as to where we were headed.

A doctor came to visit - a doctor who worked at the hospital, in the special care clinic. A clinic for kids that are "complicated" with special needs. The doctor had heard about us in a strange way, through her brother, who was my husbands co-worker. Without telling us, she knew what we were facing. I remember her words "you have two big hurdles, breathing, and eating" - if you get past those you are going to be in a good place. She was so right. Turns out we got past the breathing (extubation) hurdle, but not the eating hurdle (thus the g-tube).

I also remember this very wise doctor of ours saying in later visits that in this world of special needs, that we should be careful. Careful to have the attitude we want to have. There are a lot of angry, bitter people in this new world we were now in, and if we don't want to live in that place, that we should be careful. Being the sneaky matchmaker she is, she knew another mom with a special needs child in her clinic, and told her a bit about us (without names, I'm sure). That mom gave the doctor her information so I could reach out if I wanted to. That mom also gave her a gift to give me.

The doctor printed up a copy of "Welcome to Holland" and brought us this gift from this mom.

In that gift bag I found a file folder and a notebook. Wow. I didn't even think I needed these things until I saw them. Suddenly all the pieces of paper, consents, information sheets, receipts, forms, everything - every thing had a home. Suddenly we had a place to stuff business cards, and concern areas, and phone numbers and lists of questions. It made me feel better to put order and organization into our lives while we were in this place where we felt spun out of control, and everything was out of our hands. Clearly, this was a gift from someone who really knows what this is like. It was the very first step to getting ourselves together and in a place where we could be an advocate for our daughter.





And then I took out this mom's contact information. And I wrote her an email.

Despite being in the middle of a move, and the middle of birthday celebrations for her big five year old boy, she wrote back with kind words, understanding and empathy. And I had my first friend in the special needs world we had just be thrown into.

And just like that, I didn't feel alone anymore.

And now that mom, my friend Deana, is one of the women in my core support group, my "supermoms." And our "matchmaker" doctor couldn't have been more right. I feel like I am in the right place thanks to this first friend in my "new world."

To this day, this file folder and notebook go almost everywhere with me. Can you tell?

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Coinciding with the start of this series also begins a great online auction - one that will benefit both Cici's special needs trust and Ben's Bells equally. Ben's Bells is a non-profit organization whose mission is to inspire, educate and motivate each other to realize the impact of intentional kindness and to empower individuals to act according to that awareness, thereby changing our world.

Ben's Bells is bringing a distribution of bells to Colorado in May - the funds raised in this auction will go towards funding that distribution. Visit Be Kind Colorado for local details about Ben's Bells. The auction runs from Monday March 21 - Monday March 28. Go to bidsforcici.org or click below to check out the auction! Starts Monday at noon central time.

Ben's Bells in the news

Just wanted to pass along some links of how Ben's Bells is expanding. As you know, they are based in Tucson, where there were some tragic events last weekend.

This week, Ben's Bells did their largest distribution so far in the Tucson area, over 1,000 bells.

Please make sure to tune into NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams TONIGHT (Friday 1.14.11). Ben's Bells will be featured on national news during their "Making a Difference" segment!! If you missed it, the segment is here.

And an article on KVOA and also in the Arizona Star and the New York Times.

This is what we'll be doing in May! Contact us to get involved!

Distribution Date!

Thanks to the Ben's Bells team we have a distribution date for the very first Ben's Bells in Colorado!

The weekend of May 14, 2011!

Details will come later.

Also, we have a tentative spot to make Ben's Bells locally, at Bear Creek High School in Lakewood - as their art department has the equipment we need. Now we just have to raise money for supplies to get started. And, maybe we have to get some help with kiln stuff.

Fundraising is going well, we have secured a $1000 grant from CGI for the Colorado Distribution. Now we'll work on the rest!